"THE LOAD" - The Modern Man Blog

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next  floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’ So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/10/13/gay.friendly.school/index.html : I was reading in the news today that they’re planning a gay-friendly high school in Chicago.  And I’ve got to say that I’m all for it.  Kids getting tormented and abused for their sexual orientation is terrible.   But I also fear an incredible decline in many programs, sports and activities in regular mainstream schools with the departure of homosexual students.  Such as . . .
1.) Who’s gonna decorate for dances, holidays and other school functions?

2.) The Theatre Program is gonna go to shit.

3.) Forget your school’s chances of a National Title in Girl’s Basketball, Softball and Field Hockey.

4.) Its the gay guys to help make the hot chicks in school feel self conscious about what they wear so they stay thin and wear sexy, inappropriate outfits that gives all of the straight guys something to jack off too.

5.) Exposure to different genres and types of music and art will be incredibly limited. As well as wonderful recreational  drugs used to help them stay awake through all hours of the night while dancing to bootlegged electronica and drum and bass.

6.) There go the chances of watching 2 drunk chicks make out before going to college.

The list goes on and on.  In the end its the straight kids that are really going to miss out if all the gay kids go to another school.  Maybe we should have the gay kids stay and send all of the kids that torment them off to their own school.  That way, they won’t have to be around the gay kids anymore.  They won’t have to feel self conscious themselves and can grow their mullets as long as they would like.  They can finally make doing donuts in their Trans Am or tricked out 1993 Honda Civic while blasting Creed or Godsmack in the parking lot an official school activity.  And it can all be done while their girlfriends watch on and cheer as they wear their worn in workman’s boots and oversized sweat shirts to hide the pregnancy bumps.  Just a thought

Who do you agree with, disagree with and who gets your vote?  This is all very important, but there is also another type of very important decision to make in regards to America’s most powerful women.  Let’s have a little game of  - Fuck - Marry - Kill.  Todays choices are 1.) Nancy Pelosi 2.) Hillary Clinton 3.) Sarah Palin

Warning: All answers are subject to extreme amounts of criticism, ridicule and Modern Manism. Pop Rocks sold separately.

I watched Fight Club again recently and it made me want to throw some punches.  Specifically it made me want to see some punches thrown amongst the Modern Man crew…which in turn made me wonder, who out of the Modern Men would win in a fight against each other? Who do you think would win and why? …Kevin? Cotter? Al? Walter? Carl? Van Horn? Jason? Rogell? Henley?

So I am sitting, innocently at my desk, working away, counting the minutes until the day comes to an end, when a co-worker walks in and references Monica Bellucci. I didn’t know her and couldn’t place her given his description of her character in the Matrix. (I know, I am ashamed) Being the Web professional that I am I quickly Google her and boom, whammo five of the flat out sexiest pictures ever pop up. Super seductive, super sexy and, well let’s just say a little bit teasing. It’s not the gratuitous nudity, the air-brushed features or the sheerness of the fabric covering her femininity that got me. No. It is the look she gives the camera — the look she gives me as the audience that simply makes you want ‘that”. Not her, and especially not at the expense of what I have myself, but just that look. That’s the look, ore even merely the willingness to attempt that look that gets lost after several years of marriage. As Shakespeare once said, “masturbation is such sweet sorrow”.

5. Women’s Rowing - a full boat, the stretching, the moaning, the heavy breathing and they do it at exactly the same time . . . yes please!

4. Women’s Trampoline - They’re in tights, they’re in shape, bouncing up and down, flips and twists. This is an Olympic Event? . . . thank you god!

3. Women’s Beach Volleyball - Perfect Tone, Beach Bodies, Bikinis and it’s tradition for them to smack each other on the ass . . . Go USA!

2. Women’s Handball - I’ve actually never seen a game but it gets awarded the number 2 spot for the name alone . . . genius!

1. Women’s Gymnastics (Except China) - Flexibility, Tights, Flying In The Air, Splits, Flips, Hand Stands. The list is never ending. YOU CAN DO IT! . . . you’re damn right you can!

Is it true? Does John Edwards have a child from an extra-marital affair? Not sure yet, but the main stream media is starting to pick up on it. If it’s false, leave him alone obviously. But if it’s true, come on buddy….haven’t you ever heard of birth control. Especially during an election year. It could still be worse though. He could have tapped another man’s foot in a bathroom stall in a Minnesota Airport.

I’m now at the point in my life where almost all of my friends are now married. And through my observations a lot of you married guys have really failed. I never thought that it would really happen that a great deal of you have allowed yourselves to be de-masculated. What is this bullshit about asking permission to go out with the guys. I’ve seen it in movies, read it in books and magazines but it was one of those things that I thought would never happen to friends I’ve had for most of my life.

Fellas, you spent your whole lives growing up, moving ahead and becoming a man. You had to earn your BIG BOY PANTS. Hell, a woman, your mothers in fact were the ones that gave you your first pair. Now you’re reduced to your OSH KOSH B-GOSH overalls again and have to ask your wives permission to wear your BIG BOY PANTS when you just want a little bit of freedom.

What’s the deal?

Is anyone else pissed about InBev buying our beloved Bud? Why are we not picketing the Pentagon, why are we not rioting in the streets, why aren’t we even bitching and complaining? Granted, I haven’t been a Bud drinker for 20 years, but damn it, the KIng is as American as apple fucking pie. Its the King of Beers for Christ sake and the King used to be an American.  Now he is Belgian ands/or Brazilian. Gimme a break.  What are we gonna sell next, the MLB, the NFL, the Playboy mansion?  This blasphemous, unpatriotic act leaves us with but one option — we all have to unite, take arms and start drinking PBRs. Pabst Blue Ribbon, the drunken uncle of all beers has now taken the throne as the American King of Beers! Pabst is still American…isn’t it?

Within the next week we will be announcing the date of 2nd annual Modern Man Comedy Night at Gotham Comedy Club in NYC. If you think the boys of Modern man are funny each and every week, wait until you see them on stage. Come join us as LMB Productions and the new movie “Brutal Massacre” help sponsor a night of testosterone, humor and hubris. Ladies, you are all welcome as well, but don’t come if you are at all squeamish. It ain’t gonna be pretty.