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The Husband Store in NYC
Ed. |
November 12, 2008 |
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’ So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
239 Commentsfiled in: Weekly Rant
So I am sitting, innocently at my desk, working away, counting the minutes until the day comes to an end, when a co-worker walks in and references Monica Bellucci. I didn’t know her and couldn’t place her given his description of her character in the Matrix. (I know, I am ashamed) Being the Web professional that I am I quickly Google her and boom, whammo five of the flat out sexiest pictures ever pop up. Super seductive, super sexy and, well let’s just say a little bit teasing. It’s not the gratuitous nudity, the air-brushed features or the sheerness of the fabric covering her femininity that got me. No. It is the look she gives the camera — the look she gives me as the audience that simply makes you want ‘that”. Not her, and especially not at the expense of what I have myself, but just that look. That’s the look, ore even merely the willingness to attempt that look that gets lost after several years of marriage. As Shakespeare once said, “masturbation is such sweet sorrow”.
Is anyone else pissed about InBev buying our beloved Bud? Why are we not picketing the Pentagon, why are we not rioting in the streets, why aren’t we even bitching and complaining? Granted, I haven’t been a Bud drinker for 20 years, but damn it, the KIng is as American as apple fucking pie. Its the King of Beers for Christ sake and the King used to be an American. Now he is Belgian ands/or Brazilian. Gimme a break. What are we gonna sell next, the MLB, the NFL, the Playboy mansion? This blasphemous, unpatriotic act leaves us with but one option — we all have to unite, take arms and start drinking PBRs. Pabst Blue Ribbon, the drunken uncle of all beers has now taken the throne as the American King of Beers! Pabst is still American…isn’t it?
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